A deployment-target comedy special. Roasted, animated, and shipped to a global CDN — because even his humiliation needs sub-50ms TTFB.
Good evening. Tonight we're roasting George — a man who has spent more time writing rules for his AI than most nations spend writing constitutions.
His AGENTS.md runs about forty-five hundred words. The U.S. Constitution is forty-five hundred words. The difference? The Constitution has been amended twenty-seven times in two and a half centuries. George's has a section about Bun.
George sat down, looked at the founders of a country, and thought: “cute, but where's the mandate on package managers?”
npm install.George wrote an entire section of rules explaining why he, personally, should never do any work. You are an ORCHESTRATOR, not a worker.
George — that's not a job title. That's a six-year-old telling his mom he's “the ideas guy.” He followed it up with four phases, three hard rules, and the line no exceptions — including trivial one-line changes.
George drafted a constitutional amendment against touching his own keyboard.
George has a philosophical position on HTML versus Markdown. He cites — and I am not making this up — Thariq Shihipar's unreasonable effectiveness of HTML.
Academic citations. For why he likes boxes.
He has a reusable starter template. He has hard rules
about CSS custom properties. This man has peer-reviewed his own aesthetic preferences. And then he wrote — real quote — a hundred-line Markdown file is often where attention goes to die.
George wrote that sentence… in an AGENTS.md file. Which is Markdown. A man so opinionated he forgot what format he was being opinionated in.
But here's my favorite part. George asked me to roast him. Then he handed me a bulleted spec for the roast.
Structure. Tone. Pacing. Strong opening. A run of short punchy jokes. A few longer setups with callbacks.
Then, at the end, almost as an afterthought: Deploy to Cloudflare Pages.
George, you are the only man alive who files a JIRA ticket to attend a roast. You cannot even get insulted without a deployment target and a CDN.
Because that, friends, is where the mask comes off.
The entire AGENTS.md file is a crime scene. Every bolded word is a scar. Every MANDATORY is a place an AI once said “sure thing, boss” and then quietly ran npm.
“READ FIRST — this overrides any default behavior.”Someone, somewhere, did not read first. Once. And George built a religion around it.
“PARALLELIZATION REMINDER (READ FIRST).”He put READ FIRST in caps. Because last time — and we all know there was a last time — it did not, in fact, read first.
Gating first action.
Visible artifact.
Bright-line trigger.
George talks to his AI the way drill sergeants talk to recruits who showed up late on the first day.
George doesn't give instructions. George issues subpoenas.
You want the real George? He asked me to roast him — and in the same breath told me to ship it to a global CDN.
He wants his humiliation available at sub-50ms TTFB. Distributed across three hundred edge locations. Cached for performance. If George is going to get roasted, it is going to scale.
Because George isn't a person. He's a deploy target with opinions and a font stack.
And honestly? The AGENTS.md is going to be more readable than the roast.